Tuesday, 21 April 2009

• Reflections on a Year

  Bella just turned one year old yesterday.

  Yes, time goes by far more quickly than I would like it to. Every new stage of our lives seem to go faster and faster, and in keeping with that, watching a child grow is the fastest yet.

  I've already had moments of sudden realization, like a bomb in my brain going, "WAIT!! When did she stop making her happy noise?" Then I try to remember the last time she did it, and I'm woeful because not only did I not notice that she doesn't do it anymore, but I can't for the life of me think of when it stopped.

  I knew I would love the way she looks lovingly at me, the way she reaches for me, the way she looks around as soon as she hears my voice. What I didn't know was that I would feel equally joyous when she reaches for Josh; that I would get teary eyed when she looks adoringly at him and that I would smile so big when she scoots to the window as soon as she hears him coming home.

  I didn't know I would always feel happy to see her every single time I come home or wake her up. Not just a comfortable knowledge that she's there, but genuinely happy to see her. And she's genuinely happy to see me. Josh and I are her world, and even though her world is ever-expanding, right now, I adore being in the center of it, because it won't be the way for very long.

  I don't feel like a different person. I don't feel like a better person, even, and I kind of wish that I did. But I do feel like I'm doing the best that I can, with all my fault and failures mixed in with the triumphs and strengths, and I feel like that's enough.

  I'm looking forward to year two.

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